Novel Bin Chapter 384 His return
(Red, I need you more than I have ever needed you.)
(Please, Red.)
(Remember the time I thought we were gonna die together? You told me not to say weird shit. You wanted to hear the words from your lover...)
Lucien sighed loudly. Not having any hope for an answer from Red didn\'t keep the disappointment at bay.
(Red, let\'s die together. You wanted eternal rest so I\'m gonna give it to us.)
Even if Traxdart survived the seed, Rowan and Syryn would remain alive in the human realm. Magnus, Alka, Salem, Riha, Enkansh, Artemus, Sebastian- the thought of leaving them all behind hurt something fierce.
(I\'ll tie up the loose ends before I change my mind about it. Guess it\'s time to go home eh, Red?)
___________
When Lucien returned home, Magnus was standing at the gate. The shapeshifter had traded his sleepwear for light armour and a black cloak. The man had respected Lucien\'s request to be left alone though he seemed ready to go on a kidnapping operation if the redhead stayed away too long.
"You worry me," Magnus said in response to the question in Lucien\'s eyes. "I thought you left for good."
The redhead scoffed. "And go where?"
The fire mage\'s lips ticked up at the corners as his gaze tracked Lucien\'s movements. He wished more than once for Syryn to come home. Something about Lucien seemed off to him though he remained unsure about what it was.
"Come on, Magnus. I\'m sleepy. Let\'s head to bed."
Magnus felt cool fingers slip into his own. A gentle tug led him towards the manor.
"Lulu."
"Hmm?"
Lucien\'s side profile was illuminated by the light from the kitchen. The redhead was awash in muted yellow and Magnus saw something briefly flicker in his eyes.
"Something has changed, hasn\'t it?"
"Nope. I had a nightmare and I needed some time to make sense of it."
"Tell me about the nightmare then."
"Tomorrow."
Uneasiness itched in the fire mage\'s spine. Lucien was hiding something from him.
"No."
Lucien had demon strength but Magnus was no slouch when push came to shove. The redhead found himself whipped around by his elbow, face inches away from the fire mage. A few seconds of silence calmed Lucien\'s stilted heartbeats. The fire mage had always been gentle with him but now his grip was almost painful, a stark contrast to the deceptive calm Lucien saw in his half-lidded eyes.
"What are you not telling me, Lucien?"
The grip on his elbow eased when the redhead frowned at the point of contact.
"What\'s wrong with you? I told you I had a nightmare."
The grip remained tight despite his squirming. So maybe he had reacted badly after waking up from that god-awful nightmare recap of whatever his past self was involved in. Now Magnus was like a dog sniffing out a particularly well hidden bone.
"Then tell me about the nightmare."
"You\'re so fucking bossy today."
Hooded eyes patiently regarded him.
"Yeah, I am. And we\'re not going anywhere till I hear what I\'m waiting for. It pains me to be heavy-handed with you, Lucien, but-" Magnus canted his head like a hound focusing its attention on a mark. "-you leave me no choice."
Lucien scoffed again but it wasn\'t as confident as the other times. What hellish beast senses had cottoned Magnus to Lucien\'s drastic future plans? Even for the fire mage, this was abnormal.
"What\'s gotten into you?" Lucien harshly responded. Lying to Magnus was a thought but he\'d have to make up a scenario that justified his post-dream behaviour. The fire mage would not accept a half-assed story. His plans for a peaceful night in bed with Magnus followed by breakfast with the family and a secretive departure from Elysium seemed straightforward enough when he was making that decision. Lucien hadn\'t accounted for Magnus being an overprotective mother hen.
"Magnus, it\'s just a dream, alright."
"If it\'s just a dream, you\'ll tell me about it and I\'ll let you go."
"Fuck that."
Frustration bled into Magnus\' eyes. The nippy air turned warm in response to the fire mage\'s inner turmoil. Magnus wasn\'t so sloppy to let his magic leak like that. This was him letting Lucien see what the redhead was doing to his emotions.
"Sometimes I wish the war had just taken me." It was an odd thing to say, Magnus realised, but if he wanted honesty from Lucien then he would have to give up some himself. From the way his redhead had gone quietly alarmed, it seemed the right call had been made. "I dream about the people that died because I made the decision to fight for a throne I didn\'t want in the first place."
"But that\'s war-"
"One that I could have prevented by never looking back to the past, Lucien. I could have rescued my mother but I wanted more. I wanted revenge."
Gooseflesh trailed down Lucien\'s arm. The past was not content to stay in the past. It was a monster that skulked in the present, growing its claws and teeth to feast on the fattened future. No one was safe from it.
"And you got your revenge. You went back knowing that there\'s always a tradeoff. Always. Your past haunted you and exchanged that poison for another. So do you regret your decision, Magnus?"
The odour of burning human bodies lingered in his dreams even when he wasn\'t dreaming of war. Magnus did not regret his decisions but he wished his past self had been wiser, stronger.
"I only regret hurting you by leaving though I couldn\'t have avoided it. I\'m never hurting you like that again."
The universe could eat a bag of dicks, Lucien decided. His decision to leave was made but Magnus just made it so much worse with all this talk about their past.
"Why are we talking about this?"
The redhead was one broken nail away from a mental breakdown because the apocalypse was spinning inside his chest when all he wanted was to live a long life with the love of his life. Magnus had no idea that the world would end if Lucien stayed. Magnus had no idea. The world was ending- nothing mattered. The panic attack wasn\'t unexpected but he wasn\'t ready for it.
(Shit. Fuck. Fuck. Red. FUCK. Am I going crazy? I hope I am. If I\'m crazy then it means all of this is a bad dream made up inside my head. But I can\'t be crazy because Rowan can\'t be crazy and he\'s the one that first mentioned the business about my past life. Red, I know I said we\'re gonna die together but I don\'t want to die. Is it selfish of me to want this? Am I the asshole for wanting to blow up this universe out of spite? I think that\'s what I\'ll do-)
"-Lucien."
"Yeah, Sorry, I uh- just remembered something-"
[I\'m gonna kill that blond nitwit for exposing me.]
Lucien was hallucinating the voice, wasn\'t he? He truly was losing his mind, for sure.
[Mental illness is contagious when we\'re sharing a mind so I\'m gonna pretend-]
(Wow! I\'m mentally ill and self-aware of it.)
[....]
(I wished so hard for you to come back that I made you up.)
"Magnus, hold on, I\'m having a moment right now."
[I regret saying anything at all.]
(Red, I need a break from it all. Swap with me for a day, won\'t you? I know you\'re just a voice I made up but I really need this.)
[Are you even listening to yourself?]
(Of course, I am. I\'m listening to you, aren\'t I? I\'m you, you\'re me. I\'m listening to me-you.)
[Eos save this imbecile from himself.]
Luci was amazed at how Red-like that insult sounded in tone.
(I missed you, Red. I missed you so much.)
God, was he crying? Was he crying to a made-up voice of Red that was borne from his sheer desperation and want? How pathetic was he??
[I know. Don\'t cry, Luci. You\'re now a big boy and an ugly crier. Look, Magnus appears horrified by your crying face.]
"Lulu- you-" Magnus was wide-eyed by the sudden torrent of tears. "I\'m sorry. Is it something I said? Something I did?"
"Am I an ugly crier?"
"What? No!"
[He\'s lying cause he wants to jump your bones. Crying makes your face screw up like Milky\'s clenched butthole.]
(When did you observe his butthole so intimately?)
[I didn\'t. I imagined it.]
(Like the way I\'m imagining you. I get it.)
[You know what? We should swap. Take a good long break, Luci.]
(I would like that very much.)
Hello. Sporadic updates so I can give this novel an end. it\'s kinda sad I had to cut straight to the end but I think it\'s better than leaving it hanging.
winterblossom