How To Raise Your Regressor

Huh, I did consider that possibility when I was wondering why Jennifer brought me here but had disregarded it, but to think she really needs my help. Wow.

How low must she have fallen to seek help from someone like me?

F for her.

"For what, exactly?"

I wonder what she needs MY help for? Are the Gods after her niece? Or is the country planning to hold Dora hostage to make Jennifer do their bidding?

Or maybe Dora\'s suffering from some fatal ailment, a cure for which does not exist in this world, for example stage 4 cancer (she shouldn\'t have smoked all those cigarettes).

It\'s also possible that Dora is being targeted by the Aggressors because they want to nip the bud before it blossoms i.e. they want to kill Jennifer before she becomes a problem to them using her only weakness.

The possibilities are endless.

"I… I want Dora to have a normal life."

A normal life? Hmmm. That would mean there\'s something hindering her from living that life, right? Seems like Jennifer is asking me to eliminate that factor.

"Who do you need me to kill?"

Jennifer is more than capable of handling \'situations\' that may adversely affect Dora\'s life, so that means it\'s a person that she needs me to take to the back and put them out of their misery.

Let\'s hope it\'s a wanker from the New Dawn Guild, preferably Noelle, because those motherfuckers have become more trouble than they are worth.

I mean, if one of those stupid idiots is hindering Dora\'s normal life, then he/she must have some malicious intentions in doing so. If I were to send such a person to the afterlife, the Guild will most probably not punish me because my actions would make sense logically, morally, politically etc.

But I reckon the members themselves, especially those close to my victim, would not be able to accept that; they would come after me to seek revenge by killing me.

Heh. Sometimes, my genius, it scares me.

"What?"

"Of course, you must know that my services are not free. As an advance payment, you must-"

"I\'m not asking you to kill someone!" Ms. Screamer McScreamy exclaimed.

What the fuck?

"Then… Do you want me to scare them or something?"

Jennifer doesn\'t strike me as a morally good woman, so the only explanation is that the target, while being a hindrance, is close to either Jennifer or to someone she\'s close with.

If that\'s not the case, then killing them would be more trouble than it\'s worth, so she wants to resolve this situation without reducing the number of people alive on this world.

This is becoming complicated, let\'s just kill everyone.

…

What am I, a psychotic serial killer?

Those days are over ok I mean sentient life is important and should not be killed just because keeping them alive is a pain in the ass.

"I do not want you to do anything evil, god!" She held her temples, as if to stop an oncoming headache.

How rude.

"Morality is subjective. What may be evil for you might not be for me. So do not hesitate, and ask away."

"Haah…" she let out a deep sigh. "Why do you always draw out such extreme conclusions? Are you alright? Do you need someone to talk to?"

Wat.

She\'s using my technique on me?

This filthy thief! How dare she?! Perhaps I should kill her first.

No, death would be too easy; she plagiarised my method of insulting others, so I must take her to court for copyright infringement and destroy her thoroughly.

You must make an example out of such filthy vermin.

"I am the psychiatrist here, not you. I am the one who listens, not talks."

"Even psychiatrists need to take care of your mental health, you know?"

Fair point- no, fuck you.

"I would need someone better than me to open up to. Alas, there is none."

"How haughty," she snorted. "Anyway, I don\'t need you to kill, scare or hurt someone. I just need one simple thing from you; take care of Dora."

Wat?

"Are you… going to die?"

Is SHE the one suffering from stage 4 cancer? Or is she going on a mission from which she\'s unlikely to return?

Wait, the second one is more unlikely, considering she has 2 bottles of Elixir, not to mention she can get more from the Secret Organisation run solely by me (which I almost forgot about) if the situation calls for it.

So, she\'s dying of a never seen before disease, that\'s why she wants to leave Dora in my care?

Wat?

How in all that is holy does it make sense to leave a child in the care of another suicidal child? Is Jennifer genuinely this stupid?

Wow.

"No, I\'m not, and I\'m not going anywhere either. Stop assuming things."

Oh, now she\'s accusing me of drawing absurd conclusions without having all the facts first? How dare she!

"Then stop stalling and tell me what exactly you want from me, why you want it, why I should do it, and how I will be compensated for it."

It\'s her fault for not giving me all the facts, leaving me with no choice but to fill in the gaps using my own imagination. It\'s just, as the Origin who has lived millions of times, my imagination is a bit wilder than your average joe.

"I want you to be Dora\'s friend and lead her life towards normalcy."

"Okay, and what makes you think that her life isn\'t normal?"

"Don\'t pretend you didn\'t see it today," she rolled her eyes. "We were the only ones at her birthday party!"

"Have you considered the possibility that she just doesn\'t like making friends?"

"After how she acted around you? No."

Can\'t deny that.

"But are you prepared for the risk that would come with her normal life?"

"That is exactly why I\'m asking you. You are her age but you also have the maturity of an adult, and you have both the power and the will to protect her."

"And because I\'m suicidal, I wouldn\'t hesitate to sacrifice my life for hers."

Huh, doesn\'t that make me the perfect bodyguard for Dora? So that\'s why Jennifer brought me here. She wanted me to be acquainted with her niece and possibly get a bit closer to her, because that would increase the chances that I would accept her chances, not to mention that I would be more likely to go to the very extremes to protect Dora if I\'m emotionally invested in her.

A tactical masterclass from Jennifer, if I say so myself. Maybe this cold shrewdness and ingenuity is the reason she\'s still a probationary member of the New Dawn Guild. After all, you need to be a dumbass to be an actual member.

"Please don\'t," Jennifer vigorously shook her head. "Noelle would have my head if you do."

Noelle? The friendly neighbourhood mommy who for some strange reason obsesses over me?

"I doubt that."

"That\'s because you don\'t know Noelle," she sighed.

Hmm?

"Ah, right, she used to be an assassin. I forgot about that."

If only she could assassinate me. Good grief.

"That\'s exactly the kind of thing you don\'t forget…" Jennifer murmured under her breath. "I\'m not asking you to go over and beyond for Dora. I just want you to be a normal friend and look out for her. Members of my Guild will be watching over both of you, so in case anything does happen, you just need to stall until they can come in."

Huh, that\'s easier than I expected, except for the part where I have to handle a literal child.

Fuck that.

"I\'m not sure if I\'m the best candidate for something like this. If you want, I can make a list of people who I think would be suitable for the job along with why I think they would be suitable-"

"I cannot trust them."

"And you can trust me?"

"Yes."

Wow.